I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
