If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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