I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
