id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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