how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
