Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
