you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
