bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I should be a condom model.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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