Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
