My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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