Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
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drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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