I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
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halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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