Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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