The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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