sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
