I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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