i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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