Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
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they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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