how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
