Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
