Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
