Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
