i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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