No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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