New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
