I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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