cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I smell stomach acid.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
