i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Randomize
