I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
