If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
