Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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