You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
