So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
