Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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