He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
