im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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