Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
