I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
