She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
last night I used snow as a chaser
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
