Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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