I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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