My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
