Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
i think my cat just said my name.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
