it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
