I wannas sexs uuuuu
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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