So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
