My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Dicks are not precious.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
