If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
