I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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