Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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