I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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