You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
