Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
