Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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