If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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