Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
