she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
All the doctor said was why
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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