i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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