she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
