so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
