she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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