Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
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Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
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you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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